What's wrong with sex?

We live in the tennies and ever since the sixties, we have been reminding starch collared conservatives that, "Hey man, it's the sixties.... relaaax!" and we have! We have calmed down and become more accepting. Interracial couples, gay marriage and mens' cosmetics. There is a whole new climate of sexuality, gender identity and individuality which is now allowed and accepted by the majority of people.

So I'll take this moment to congratulate everybody on being more accepting, more diverse and more open minded than perhaps we have been for thousands of years. It is wonderful to live in a time like this.... but we are not finished yet.

There are still stigmata to be tackled, feminism is still a developing movement and the LGBT movement can now be known by FABGLITTER to include a whole range of orientations.

One serious stigma is the sexual assault stigma. The quiet murmur that somehow, the victim wanted it, that somehow they are to blame. This is a view pushed forwards by ignorant people who presumably have never been raped themselves. It is almost a Christian viewpoint, the whole guilt complex surrounding sex in many sects of Christianity is deeply ingrained in society and underlies a lot of our opinions on sex. The point is that, although most people disagree with this viewpoint, it is still being said and THAT ALONE is enough to spring the question in the victim's mind - "What did I do to deserve this?". I believe this doubt is the reason so few rapes are reported, particularly when the victim is assaulted by somebody they know and I believe that this doubt is the reason why so many sexual assault victims seem to take it out on themselves. Just as a disclaimer, I am not saying that every rape case is the same, that every case is black and white. I am just saying that every time somebody shouts out this opinion, ignorantly waving it around like a dead rat in the city centre, everybody is affected.

Another stigma is men who are attracted to fat girls, chubby chasers, often being mocked in films or television. This is tied in to a whole body image thing that both women AND men have to deal with. Women are more obviously affected by body image problems with bulimia and anorexia running rampant in certain circles however men are also affected by it. It's a pet theory of mine that the emo movement sprang up as a direct response to the apparent need for a man to be masculine and manly. The reality of the world is that people come in all shapes and sizes (Hello cliché!) and so do sexual preferences and attractions. The sooner we can admit that we ourselves have some esoteric attractions (I know a man in Israel who finds women more attractive if they don't shave their legs and armpits) the sooner we can accept our own bodies and minds for what they are and not constantly punish ourselves because we are not what we think we should be.

The last stigma I will discuss is the stigma associated with having many sexual partners. Why is it a bad thing for people to have a lot of sex? There are an awful lot of reasons for people to chase sex like the hour hand chases 12 o clock. When we judge a person for how many partners they've had we are reaching back to archaic ideals of purity and virginity. The fact is that sex is the most important part of your life because it defines the relationship you have with your partner and by extension the way you relate to the world around you. Mastery of sex is much more important than many people realise and many people admit. There is a reason the karma sutra and tantra have survived for thousands of years... There is no objective reason that I can see why it is advantageous to have sex with few partner many times as opposed to many partners few times. If you know a reason, please tell me in the comments...

Well that's my lot. Have a good Friday!

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Why do people thing being gay is a choice?

So, hopefully you are one of those people who believe being gay isn't a binary thing, it is a spectrum of gay and everybody sits somewhere on the number line between 0 and 1 (see fifty shades of gay).

A lot of people find themselves in a position where they have the power to make a decision about how to live their life. They may decide to ignore the gayer parts of themselves and only date heterosexually and hook up heterosexually and for all intents and purposes, 'BE' heterosexual. These people have chosen to 'BE' straight. Similarly I imagine some people choose to 'BE' bisexual and 'BE' gay based on a multitude of reasons.

There are two problems that can arise from this.
1st.
Some people will take offence. In my eyes, it is a simple miscommunication. When people say that being gay is a choice (under this explanation) what they really mean is having gay relationships is a choice, as per the argument outlined above. Actually being gay A.K.A. being attracted to the same sex is no more a choice than liking blue cheese or preferring Art Garfunkel to Paul Simon; it might not be the most common preference but it is both your prerogative and part of your identity, not a choice.
2nd.
Some people use this to put down gay people and try to deny them rights. This is hateful and childish and I will say no more of it.

This is by no means a tried and tested theory, it's just my experience and my understanding. If you have another explanation, please let me know in the comments.

When I really think about being gay in terms of a spectrum, the words gay and straight start to lose their meanings except in terms of a decision people make. Every man and woman who is out of the closet has made the decision to associate with the LGBT community and in this respect they are LGBT. Outside of that context, does it make sense to call an individual lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans? Maybe we should employ a number system. You could introduce yourself as L1G2B8T9 depending on how much you associate with each facet of lgbt?

Labels have their uses. We use them to associate with each other. "Oh you're a fan of Metallica? Me too!" is much easier than saying "Your list of songs that you like by Metallica matches with my list with 73% accuracy! That's cool!". The dark side of labels always have to be handled carefully and, when exploited, the whole community has to stand and be exploited together, to fight against it together, rather than let one of their number fall (I may have gotten slightly off topic here).

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People get too defensive...

We live in kind of a strange world. Yesterday somebody said to me "No offence if you're religious" after mocking religious people for believing in an invisible man who controls the world.

There is a certain culture these days which looks down upon and mocks religious people but at the same time is so afraid to offend anybody that they have to backtrack just in case. Maybe it's just British people being afraid of conflict or maybe it is a more general fear of retribution. There is a powerful theme of political correctness underpinning most social interactions (maybe you noticed). It almost seems like they're (the government, the illuminati, the skull and bones society, the masons, the gardeners, the hairdressers, the newscasters, the orang-utans and the bonobos) trying to whitewash everybody - to eliminate any difference between one culture and another, one way of life and another.

It seems to me to be a terrible shame that we are afraid to talk about this kind of thing. If I just meet somebody, typically the question I'm most interested in asking is "What is it like being you?" but even a question like this is laboured and weighed down by the fear of retribution, the fear of causing offence.

Sometimes, I like to imagine a perfectly safe place, where we can talk, not without emotion and not without fear, but with clearness of intention. Where you can understand why I am asking the questions and I can understand why you are answering them. The conversations are always useful, always interesting and always beneficial.

Some news, a cool book and a completed degree!

First off, the news. I'm going to be, from now on, uploading a new blog entry every Friday (maybe more often if I feel like it). So you can expect regular updates from now on. If I fail, you can yell at me in the comments ^_^.

Nextly there is a really cool book I've been reading (very slowly) called Reality is Broken, by Jane Mcgonigal. Aside from causing me to sing Everything is Broken by Bob Dylan every time I read the book's title, it is a great book because it talks a lot about computer games. The basic premise of the book is that games are more fun than real life... by why should they be? Jane talks a lot about how to implement the same mechanisms used to make World of Warcraft like maple syrup infused with heroin into our every day lives. Mechanisms like effective feedback, epic worlds, substantial goals and levelling up. When I finish the book I'll write a "Reality is Broken: The greatest book I've ever read" where I'll go into detail on the book. It's shaping up to be a brilliant book full of innovations that could shape the future (and I hope they will).

Lastly I've finished my exams and, by extension, my degree! I am not yet a Master of Science because I havn't graduated, that's in about a month. Still though, I'm happy to have finished. If any of you have just finished too, congratulations! We are free! Whooo! Let's go get a real job! :D Or..... maybe there's no point...

Happy Summer!

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The Human Supremacist

So, this documentary is an animal rights documentary wearing the skin of an anthropology documentary. It's a real tongue in cheek look at the idea that humans are the most superior life form on Earth. It coins the phrase "Human supremacist" and absolutely rips to pieces any argument that dogs, cats, birds, bees, trees, fleas and chicadees are inferior to humans.

The best part of the whole documentary is the part where a sophisticate is arguing with a bear about which is the superior animal. Apparently, the human is superior because it has superior intelligence, wears clothes and uses tools, however in opposition, the bear is superior because it has superior strength, has a full coat of fur and has no need for tools.

The human belief in human superiority of course comes along with the same baggage that any prejudice carries. I'm not sure that dehumanization is the right word here, but the same degradation and disrespect has been exercised on the animals, but on a larger scale. 70 billion farm animals housed in factory farms worldwide. This outnumbers the human population by tenfold. We would have to enslave everybody on earth for 10 lifetimes to match the injustice brought down upon just the animals that are alive today. This is of course not counting animal research (I personally know biology students who have spent days at a time cutting the heads off of rats), poaching, hunting and general domestication.

You might call me a bleeding heart (I am) and you might call me a tree hugger (I quite literally am) but the fact is that a healthy respect of the animal population is the only way towards a stable ecosystem. I remain thoroughly convinced that the misconception that we have the right (there's that word again) to kill, torture, maim and claim as property any animals which we happen upon is the root of the troubles of modern man. I would rather live in a world with no humans, than a world with no animals.

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Was Adolf Hitler a bad man?

I ran into this 'amusing' little thing earlier, asking me a few hypotheticals. Such as - out of three candidates with limited descriptions, who would I choose to be president. I decided upon the vegetarian man who doesn't smoke because I figured he would be a good figurehead in today's cancer riddled world. Anyway it turns out this character thing person was based on Adolf Hitler. Which got me thinking.... (of course it did)

Hitler was only a man, like anybody else and to empower him by putting too much on his shoulders is an injustice to those who died under the Nazi regime. Hitler, like any other politician, was primarily a people person. He was a fantastic motivator - as can be seen from his (what I assume are) forceful and dynamic public speeches. I hope I havn't offended anybody, but sometimes it is wise to step back and ask "Why is it bad that I picked Hitler over Teddy Roosevelt and Winston Churchill?". Is our knowledge so complete that we know that Adolf Hitler, placed in a different context (containing fluffy bunny rabbits and sugar gum drops) may not have committed atrocities ?

Having said that there is a hot coal in my stomach as I try to type "All were highly effective leaders." and I find I can't really justify saying it. Is a catastrophic and brutal legacy the mark of an effective leader? Probably not, although I am reminded of a character called Logen Ninefingers who is a brutal man, tearing up every situation he is in leaving a river of blood and a path of death everywhere he goes, yet people follow him and those closest to him take wisdoms from him and respect (fear?) him. My point is, just because a person is a bad person, doesn't make them a bad leader and just because a leader commits actions which, when done by an individual are atrocious, maybe do not stand in the same light when done by a leader representing a government.

Anyway I bought a copy of Mein Kampf impulsively. For years I have harbored this fear, this anger, this hatred and I want to be done with it. So this is me finding my balance within a highly unjust and controversial injustice that has always haunted me. Wish me luck.


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Exam Fear - FILDI

We all know it. It's that fear that we get when we have been working towards something for an entire year and it's culminating in front of our eyes in a matter of hours. It's that pervasive fear that we are not good enough, that we will not arrive at our planned destination. That our lives will not work out as planned. It's the fear that somehow, no matter what we do, we will still fail and we will look foolish doing it.

I'm feeling this fear particularly sharply right now as my next exam closes in. This is shaping up to be the most difficult exam, and I don't feel prepared and I don't feel like I have the resources to tackle it properly. I am afraid and I am paralyzed by that fear.

So the question hangs in the air like a foul odour, "What do I do?".

The answer stares you in the face, holding you in its beady eye and relentlessly shouting at you, "Just do it!" but your fears have deafened you and you don't trust the answer. You think he is out to make a fool of you and that there must be another solution.

I'm borrowing a phrase from Ze Frank - F.I.L.D.I.

The only way to push through the fear is to face it. To look the answer straight in the face and say Fuck it, let's do it.

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